Another Classic Bradbury
This story takes place in the same general time frame as the last Classic Story. Once again, I had come home from a late night of being out and, once again, John was passed out drunk on the floor of the living room. Now, this was pretty much a nightly occurrence, whether I got home at 8 PM or 3 AM, I could count on John being passed out on either the floor or hanging off of a couch in some weird, twisted manner. This particular night, as I said, John was on the floor. I wasn't quite ready to go to bed and thought I'd watch a little television. It just so happened that I had a guitar amplifier in the corner of the room because I had either recently had a practice or played a show and had been too lazy to take the amp to my bedroom. This is an important detail which you must be aware of in order for the story to continue. After watching some TV, John finally awakes from his slumber. I watched him stumble aimlessly around the room for a little while, with a confused and bewildered look on his face. Hell, it was more interesting to see what he was going to do than whatever was on television, or so I thought. I watch him walk over to the TV and then he turned to my amplifier. Now, I've never mistaken any type of electrical equipment for a toilet, no matter how drunk I was, but on this particular night, John did. He pushed my amp over about two inches and then turned around, pulled his shorts down and began to sit. I jumped from the couch that I was on (the whole thing seemed to happen in slow motion) yelling "NOOOOOOOO!". I must have gotten to him just in time because he was almost s(h)itting on my amp. I asked him what he was doing and if he needed to go to the bathroom and then pointed the way. He gave me a confused look and then tried to walk to the bathroom, collapsing about two steps into the journey. He eventually got to the bathroom (it took him about 10 minutes to travel the six feet to the bathroom, but he was crawling so I guess that accounts for some of the time) but he finally made it. He was in there for a while from what I can recall. I remember finally hearing the door open and being relieved that he was finally going to bed in his room. When I peered down the hallway a few minutes later, I saw that he had passed out on his crawl from the bathroom to his bedroom (a distance of about four feet). I just said "Fuck it" and went to bed after that. Good times.
This is one of the pictures that comes up when I do a Google Image Search for my name
Classic Stories III
I'm afraid this Classic Story comes from the roommate archives instead of the CTL closets. Here goes:
I briefly lived with a guy named John Bradbury. I should probably frame this story by saying that I've had numerous roommates in my apartment over the past couple of years, each a freak in his own way, but John was really something special. John was 21 years old and he looked about 43. He drank more than anyone I've ever seen. From the time he arose from his nightly slumber until he returned to it, he always had some kind of nasty ass concoction in his hands. I had a birthday party one year and John was going around offering people "psychedelic kool-aid". I thought that he'd dropped some acid in it or something but it turned out that "psychelic kool-aid" just meant grape kool-aid mixed with Vladimir Vodka. Nasty shit. Anyway, this particular story took place on a warm summer night. John had been living in the apartment for a few months at this point and I really wasn't surprised by anything he did by then. I had some friends who lived across the street and I was heading out the apartment to go see them. I was expecting a phone call and planned to be right back, so I told John that I was going across the street and if anyone called, to take a message and tell them that my return would be imminent. Well, I went across the street and no one was home, so I turned around and came back to my place. Now, this entire trip took me about two minutes and, I'll remind you, I told John that I would be right back. When I walked back into my apartment, John was sitting on the couch with his dick in his hand jacking off. I looked at him and gave him my best "What the fuck?" look. He attempted to pull his pants up but I guess he got frustrated because he just gave up about the time he got them up to his knees. So, John is just sitting there with his pants around his knees and his dick hanging out acting like it was some kind of accident and I just walk out of the room shaking my head. I wonder what ever happened to that boy?
It's been a pretty uneventful Friday so far. Keep checking back for new developments and more Classic Stories.
cracks me up. (SFW?)
I learned something new today about what a funkadelic is: "According to the opening track ("Mommy, what's a Funkadelic?") of their self-titled 1970 album, a Funkadelic is "Someone from Carolina who encountered eternity on LSD and vowed to contain it in a groove."
I got this email today. I encourage everyone to call and make an audition:
Hello my name is Lisa, I am a Representative with a Talent Marketing and P=
romotions Company. We are currently looking for talent for a NEW REALITY T=
V SHOW with the following needed:
Models, Actors, Musicians, Dancers, Singers, DJ's and Comedians.
If you would like apply for an audition for the show call:
(toll free) 1-866-278-7780
We are interested in speaking with you as soon as possible.
Call anytime Monday - Friday between 9am-7pm Eastern/Standard Time.
Lisa Johnson - Casting Director
Good luck, everybody! Maybe I'll see you there--J
Got money to burn? Why not throw some this way
? It might help.
an interesting article about the Iraq War from a soldier's perspective.
, the ONLY penis enlargement pill endorsed by Ron Jeremy
. (Not at all SFW).
Who knew IMing
could be so much fun?
What would it be like if 84RRY were a math teacher. Hmmmm.
Looks like they're sending in reinforcements
Check out this new German shower radio
with built in soap dispenser. I wonder how the soap is dispensed?
I guess a lot has gone on since I stopped watching Sesame Street
Here's a quiz
for all you drinkers out there.
I'll take this call
I don't know what's happening on American Idol right now, but I do know that he bangs!
I'm afraid City Confidential
will never be the same. RIP Paul Winfield
Do you have time to kill
It appears the Buggery King
has buggered far and wide
. (last link NSFW)
Anybody wanna get together this weekend and listen to some tunes
Do you mind if I hit that, Guv'nor?
I need a new job--email me at email@example.com if you have any suggestions.
I'm short on cash today and could use a cheap lunch
We should all email
A word of advice for this Thursday--don't put your money
in the microwave.
Looks like The Bugg'ry Kings are doin' some gig swappin'
There has been lots of funny business
going on in the office today.
Like a polaroid picture.
I'm a bastard for posting this.
Today rates at four bangs
God bless the ol' U.S. of Clay
May you never be at a loss for words
Here's a shout out