"Pretty much everywhere, it's gonna be hot."
It is OK

Friday, April 30
 
Looks like the ratings war between Ellen and Wayne Brady is getting serious.
 
 
Baby got back.
 
Thursday, April 29
 
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If people would have voted more "sanely" last week, Jennifer would still be on American Idol.
 
Wednesday, April 28
 
What was the name of the Captain of the USS Enterprise after Capt. Kirk? I never was a trekkie.
 
 
Here's a photo from the last office party!

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Tuesday, April 27
 
Bush or Kerry?
 
 
Where have all the good wives gone?
 
 
Things I learned about the Phillipines today:
1. It is a fun place
2. Nice people
3. It's not that expensive
 
Monday, April 26
 
I've got a new Gmail account, courtesy of Google.
 
 
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When Germans speak English, it is nice...very nice. It's also cute.
 
Friday, April 23
 
BEWARE: It's the end of the semester and strange things are happening, or so I've been told.
 
 
Don't you think it's time for you to be all you can be.
 
Thursday, April 22
 
You won't see this on the evening news.
 
Wednesday, April 21
 
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Tuesday, April 20
 
If anybody has any job recommendations for me, email me @ henryearl@myway.com. Here's my resume:

Education
1997-2000: University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
-graduated in May of 2000 with a Bachelor of Arts in Communications Studies

1994-1996: Isothermal Community College, Spindale NC
-College transfer department

1990-1994: R-S Central High School, Rutherfordton NC
-graduated #13 in class of over 200
-member of National Honors Society
-served as Junior Marshall
-North Carolina Scholar

Work Experience
2000-present: Media Services Asst., Center for Teaching and Learning at UNC-CH
-duties include setting up audio/visual equipment for use by both professors and teacher assistants for presentations, taking request for equipment via telephone and email, data entry, upkeep of equipment and miscellaneous office duties.

1999-2000: Customer Service Representative, Look Out! Clothing
-customer service
-cashiering
-organizing merchandise
-balancing funds

1999-2000: Recording Staff Assistant, Music Department at UNC-CH
-recorded schedueled performances by students and visiting artists

1998-2000: Customer Service Representative, General Vitamin Corporation
-processed request for vitamin orders and cancellations via telephone and mail
-served as Spanish translator

1996-1997: Manager, B Sharp Music
-performed all managerial duties
-balanced books
-customer service
-general business duties

1995-1997: Assistant Manager, Movie Gallery
-assisted manager with managerial duties
-customer service
-general store duties

Other Skills
-familiar with both PC and Macintosh operating systems such as Windows and software applications such as Filemaker Pro, Word Perfect, etc
-both practical and academic experience in interpersonal communication strategies
-proficient in Spanish


 
 
DREW SPEW VOLUME II

For a while, Drew was dating two girls at the same time. I must say, I was very impressed by Drew's ability to swing this because he wasn't the smartest guy. I once saw his results from a practice LSAT Test and, as I recall, he scored in the lower 20%. Anyway, he kept this up for a few months. Appropriately, one girl was a brunette and kind of slutty and the other girl was blond and really clean cut. Polar opposites. The Virgin and the Whore, figuretively speaking. Whom do you choose? Well, if you can, you choose both which is what Drew did until one fateful night. When I had gotten home from work on this particular day, Girl #1 (the Whore) was in Drew's room. I don't know if they were just hanging out or fucking or what, and don't really care. It was just another day. What made this day special, however, was when Girl #2 (the Virgin) knocked on the door. It was springtime, so the weather was warm and only the screendoor was closed. "Is Drew here?" she asked. I said that he was back in his room. She walked back into his room. The anticipation that I was feeling at that moment was electric. What was going to happen? I was literally on the edge of my seat. I heard a knock on Drew's bedroom door and then I heard the door open. Silence. A few seconds later, Girl #2 stomped through the living room, not even looking in my direction. I think I told her "bye" though. I saw her drive speedily out of the parking lot and knew I had to tell someone the story.

I walked next door to tell Mac (http://tomfool.blogspot.com) about what had transpired and, on my way over to his place, Girl #2 came back. I was both glad and sorry to have left the apartment at the climax of the festivities but continued on towards Mac's. I told him the story and we agreed that we must go and see what was happening. When we got back to my place, Girl #1 was now sitting in her car, Girl #2 was in Drew's room and Drew was asking to borrow my sneakers so that he could go for a run. I reluctantly agreed and Drew's last words before leaving the apartment for his run were: "Make sure you keep the door locked." He left--went for a late evening jog. Girl #2 was still in his room, Girl #1 was still sitting in her car in the parking lot and Butterball was getting his cardiovascular on.

The End
 
 
QOTD: "If the good things come to an end and the bad things come to an end, it's still good because they cancel each other out."
 
Monday, April 19
 
QOTD II: "Yes, you must lay out in the sunshine and write the paper. Now is the time. By the end of the fall semester, it is too cold [to lay outside and write the paper]. Maybe at midterms [though], I don't know. Yeah."
 
 
QOTD: "At the end of the semester, people's heads are boiling. They cannot see three feet in front of them[selves]."
 
Wednesday, April 14
 
This is awesome.
 
Tuesday, April 13
 
Damn bunnies.
 
Monday, April 12
 
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AN INTRODUCTION TO BUTTERBALL
Return to Roomates VOL. II

So, now is the time to give you a brief introduction to Drew, a former roommate whom I mentioned earlier in the Bradbury Chronicles. Drew came from a rich family and was an only child so I guess he was used to the easy life. His parents seemed to take care of his bills, cars and whatever else he called them and told them to put money in his account for. There are many stories that I will share with you o'er the coming days and weeks but, right now, I just want to mention one thing that I always found very strange. Drew made daily lists. I don't mean lists with things like "laundry" or "send a check to" but his lists contained reminders like "eat breakfast (or lunch)" and "take a nap". Maybe it's just me but I can pretty much figure those things out "on the fly" but I do recognize that some plans do require a little foresight and assistance.
 
 
There's gold in them there hills.
 
Thursday, April 8
 
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Tuesday, April 6
 
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Poor kid.
 
Monday, April 5
 
Bradbury Part II

Here is the second part of Friday's story:

So John spilled the beer all over himself. He didn't really have a reaction when he finally figured out what he had done--he just sat there with beer all over his lap. Part of the plan for the rest of the evening was to go see a band at a club called The Hideaway. Drew, John, someone else and I all pile into Drew's vehicle and head down to the club. When we get to the club, I just tried to stay as far away from John as possible because I didn't feel like dealing with him and it was embarrassing to be associated with him. That didn't take any of the fun away from watching him, though. I found a dark little corner and just watched John to see what he did next as it was truly a comedy goldmine. He stumbled around the dance floor for a while and then he walked back to the bathroom area. Now, the bathrooms and the kitchen area were in the same vicinity. I watched John walk into the kitchen and get thrown out of the kitchen by the bouncer. He then preceded to do the same thing again. By this time, the bouncer was pretty irate and threatened to kick John out of the club. I don't know why John had so much trouble locating bathrooms when he was drunk but, hey, everybody's got their own thang. The third try John was getting closer--he went into the women's bathroom. I watched him walk in and just stand in the doorway for a few seconds, until he realized where he was. He turned around so fast that he almost fell down. Unfortunately, for John's fourth try, he went back into the kitchen. At this point, John was forcefully ejected from the club. I didn't want to leave but I figured John would end up dead if I didn't take him home. I asked Drew if I could borrow his Jeep and then went to find John. It took me a while but I finally found him passed out on the back stairway of some building. I woke him up and told him I was taking him home. Finally, he managed to get up and follow me to the car. Drew had a Jeep Grand Cherokee so it was pretty high off the ground. I opened the passenger door and helped John get into the car. Of course, he immediately fell out and landed on his head. I'm surprised he didn't crack his skull but I guess he didn't. I piled him back into the passenger seat and took him home. I never let John go anywhere else with me after that.
 
 
Today's QOTD actually comes from me. Someone asked me where I was from when I came to their classroom to pick up some equipment and the only response I could think of was "I'm from Barry".
 
Friday, April 2
 
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MORE CLASSIC BRADBURY

An old aquaintance of mine named Drew (who eventually became a roommate--lots of Drew stories will be coming in the future) invited myself and John to a party at his place once. As I recall, it was a birthday party or something and there were a few people over there. John and I get over there and John is already piss drunk. He's talking to people and kind of weirding them out. Two things that you should know about John that I have failed to mention thus far: 1) He had a really nasally, whiney voice and 2) He wanted to be a stand-up comedian so, naturally, he thought he was pretty funny (which he wasn't, intentionally, at least). Okay, so we're at the party and John is making all of these weird comments and people are just looking at each other with the old "What the fuck?" look. At one point, John drops his can of beer but picks it up quickly. Unfortunately, he picked it up upside down and the whole damn can poured into his lap before he even noticed. That was one of the times that John was funny. This is only the first part of the story, I'll tell you the second part on Monday. Until then, I'll leave you with new Bradbury photos which I will post throughout the day. Keep checking back.
 
Thursday, April 1
 
What do you make of this note I found?

Dentist?
Perry North?
Parisa
NO
-----------------------
Fiber (wheat bran & cereal)
What kind???
being tired & fatigued-
how long withoug hard wheat fiber???
70 ounces of water

 
 
Here are some shots of Bradbury so that you can put a face with the stories

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   SPIN THE WHEEL

  • everlasting blort
  • Everything is Terrible!
  • tofutti break
  • Slaughterhouse 90210
  • Probably Bad News
  • This is Photobomb
  • Fred Thompson 2012!
  • texts from last night
  • Glee Sucks
  • WTF CNN?
  • The Trendpiece Factory
  • This is Why You're Fat
  • Limited Ed.
  • Beware of the Blog
  • Wonkette
  • Stuff White People Like
  • Natrone Means!
  • Overheard in the Office
  • Look at this fucking hipster
  • The Showboat
  • superglue gumshoe
  • Monkey Fluids
  • Happy Robot
  • The Bugg'ry Kings
  • Unknown Hinson
  • The Cruzarz
  • Modern Drunkard Magazine
  • Yahooka!
  • Marijuana - The First 12,000 Years
  • Joint Rolling Tutorial
  • AIGS
  • Squizzle
  • Latrinalia
  • The Writings on the Stall
  • Shit Sandwich
  • International Institute for the Research of Assholism
  • Raleigh Music Forums
  • Mausoleum Problems
  • Praise Bob!
  • Fuckin' wuppies!
  • Chicken Shit Bingo
  • Asinine Poetry
  • Rockin' with Ryan
  • Cliff Yablonski Hates You
  • White Vans Everywhere

  • ARCHIVES
    Esoteric humor, vapid rambling, the worstest of the web ... and of course, a dead cicada in a jar of rancid pasta sauce.
    January 2004 / February 2004 / March 2004 / April 2004 / May 2004 / June 2004 / July 2004 / August 2004 / September 2004 / October 2004 / November 2004 / January 2005 / February 2005 / March 2005 / April 2005 / May 2005 / June 2005 / July 2005 / August 2005 / September 2005 / October 2005 / November 2005 / December 2005 / January 2006 / February 2006 / March 2006 / April 2006 / May 2006 / June 2006 / July 2006 / August 2006 / September 2006 / October 2006 / November 2006 / December 2006 / January 2007 / February 2007 / March 2007 / April 2007 / May 2007 / June 2007 / July 2007 / August 2007 / September 2007 / October 2007 / November 2007 / December 2007 / January 2008 / February 2008 / March 2008 / April 2008 / May 2008 / June 2008 / July 2008 / August 2008 / September 2008 / October 2008 / November 2008 / December 2008 / January 2009 / February 2009 / March 2009 / April 2009 / May 2009 / June 2009 / July 2009 / August 2009 / September 2009 / October 2009 / November 2009 / December 2009 / January 2010 / February 2010 / March 2010 / April 2010 / May 2010 / June 2010 / July 2010 / August 2010 / September 2010 / October 2010 / November 2010 / December 2010 / March 2011 / April 2011 / May 2011 / June 2011 / July 2011 / August 2011 / September 2011 / October 2011 / November 2011 / January 2012 / February 2012 / March 2012 / April 2012 / May 2012 / June 2013 / October 2014 /





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